I need the silence

Please allow me to expand.

I can't talk about what I am writing with my loved ones. I have a few friends that sort of know what is going on. My husband has a vague reckoning but hasn't heard any passages read out loud or anything. Every now and then, I'll let him know a bad guy has rolled into town.

My family knows something is up. After all, they drove me to the airport when I went to the SiWC. My aunt drove me to the building each morning and picked my up each afternoon. For her, I made up some poor excuse of a title I said I gave whenever someone asked if I was writing something: "Broken in Three Places: The Story of [My Aunt's Name]'s Leg." I'm still working on that one. A real tear-jerker.

They're not dummies.

I just can't talk about it.

Why is this?

I care about their opinions too much and if I let them tell me their opinions about this story, I may never finish this book. I'll finish a different book, but not this one.

So we don't talk about it. Sometimes, when I am typing at my computer, someone will ask what I am doing and I will respond, "Writing things down." That is enough for all of us.

For now, this book has to be for me. I can mess around with scenes, backstory, dialogue etc... and not worry about it being stupid. It can have stupid parts, because I am the only one reading it. Once I have most of the stupid parts out, they can go to a critique partner. Once they help me drag away most of the remaining stupid, perhaps I will be able to send it off to an agent, editor, publisher, etc...

Then, I may feel ready to show my loved ones. Then I will feel it is completely not-stupid and ready for someone else. Because although I completely respect critique partners, agents, editors, publishers, etc... (Believe me, I do), they aren't the ones who make me soup when I am sick or the ones who will be stuck paying off my student loans if I get hit by a bus.

That is why it shocks me most when I hear query letter advice about not telling a prospective agent that your family and friends love your book. I would have never crossed my mind.

Its my quiet little secret.