A thought-provoking blog post of Rachelle Gardner's asks her readers what they give up to be writers.
Although a lot of the responses are inspiring, some are absolutely, jaw-dropping-to-the-floor-ingly heart-breaking.
Clean houses. Healthy meals. Exercise. Time with family. Sleep. The possibility of finding their soul-mates. Having children. And so on... Some of the responses have lists of five or six points similar to the ones I've paraphrased here.
All I can say is been there, done that. Eventually it is going to catch up with you.
For instance: There is a Thanksgiving I will never get back because I spent it writing a school paper (a paper that sucked because my heart wasn't in it). I've seen fellow students put aside their personal lives and health for the sake of a project. I got so stressed my hair started falling out. Instead of slowing down, I got a haircut. This happened twice before I decided maybe I did have some time in my day to go to a yoga class.
Writing is a thing I do because I enjoy it. Not because I want to make myself a martyr with a book being the finished product of my misery. Its my way of staying out of the pit of despair (drama, drama, drama), not an excuse to jump into one.
Think about it. There are moments where it makes sense to drop all else and write until it feels like your hands are going to fall off. There are times where I do, but do you really want to reach a point in your life where you sit down to write the list of what you gave up to have 80 000 words (How long is a piece of string? Popular opinion says 80 000 - 100 000 words, on average) in your jaded little hands?
Do you want to risk having that moment where you look at those 80 000 - 100 000 words and think, "You are beautiful, but I resent you." Or worse, "You are the ugliest little duckling I have ever seen in my life and I hate you. Where has my life gone." I'm not ready to face that.
I can't even joke I don't clean my house. I thought I could, but recently went through a spring cleaning phase where I had to ask my mom to help me clean my kitchen and it took the 2 of us 6 hours to do it (Thanks, mom! Love you!). Granted, we cleaned the stove and washed the cupboards and caulked the countertops, but it took 6 hours. Six hours!
Writing is a thing I do because I enjoy it. Not because I want to make myself a martyr with a book being the finished product of my misery. Its my way of staying out of the pit of despair (drama, drama, drama), not an excuse to jump into one.
Think about it. There are moments where it makes sense to drop all else and write until it feels like your hands are going to fall off. There are times where I do, but do you really want to reach a point in your life where you sit down to write the list of what you gave up to have 80 000 words (How long is a piece of string? Popular opinion says 80 000 - 100 000 words, on average) in your jaded little hands?
Do you want to risk having that moment where you look at those 80 000 - 100 000 words and think, "You are beautiful, but I resent you." Or worse, "You are the ugliest little duckling I have ever seen in my life and I hate you. Where has my life gone." I'm not ready to face that.
I can't even joke I don't clean my house. I thought I could, but recently went through a spring cleaning phase where I had to ask my mom to help me clean my kitchen and it took the 2 of us 6 hours to do it (Thanks, mom! Love you!). Granted, we cleaned the stove and washed the cupboards and caulked the countertops, but it took 6 hours. Six hours!
Eventually it is going to catch up with you. The question is, how hard will the wave hit when it does?
Of all the comments I read on Rachelle's blog, none of them mentioned avoiding brushing their teeth. This tells me there is still hope. I think what we need is a little rewording. A bit of forward-planning at times and some living in the moment at others.
Instead of thinking I give up x for y. Perhaps we can think of it as I multitask where I can, prioritize where I can't.
Of all the comments I read on Rachelle's blog, none of them mentioned avoiding brushing their teeth. This tells me there is still hope. I think what we need is a little rewording. A bit of forward-planning at times and some living in the moment at others.
Instead of thinking I give up x for y. Perhaps we can think of it as I multitask where I can, prioritize where I can't.
- Don't give up reading: read in the tub. Personal hygiene, check. Reading, check. (I once told my sister I hadn't read Anna Karenina because it was too heavy. She got me one of those book holders for the bath.)
- Arthur Slade and kc dyer write while on the treadmill.
- Turn on the radio and dance while making supper or doing the dishes.
- Books on tape. Books on tape. Books on tape.
- Instead of saying, "I don't sleep in," say, "I wake up early."
- Time-saver to Avoid: personal telephone conversations in a public washroom. The person on the other end is no fool. Neither are the people in the stall beside you.
I don't mean to belittle anyone who feels they have given up something they care about to write / for their chosen profession. I just hope you might find a way to rearrange. To find that bottleneck and find a way to squeeze a bit more joy in your life. (I wish I had that Thanksgiving in my list of memories)
If you are going to give something up, don't give up the things that make you Who you are, What you are. Give up the time sucks and creativity killers you don't need in your life. Spend less time talking to tele-marketers on the phone. Take a list when you go grocery shopping. Arrange to pay your bills on the internet. Avoid wasting mental and physical energy on unnecessary toxic situations. You might find you have time to knit and to write - or even more time to knit / write.
Things might change. Ten years from now I might be on here, grousing about all the things I'd given up while being too stubborn to admit I'd been doing it. Or worse, I might come across a comment left on this post by Anonymous. Two words: You Failed.
Although I am nowhere near doing all the things on this list (or completing everything I have on my to-do list by the end of each day), I refuse to toss my hands up in the air and say, "I give up." I hope you do too. We deserve to be happy while doing what we love. We deserve not having to resent 'thing a' because we would rather be doing 'thing b'. We deserve not to feel guilty or selfish, when we are doing the best we can.
I just wish I knew how. Its a work in progress, I suppose.
Tell me, what is something you refuse to give up?
5 comments:
Great post, Stephanie. I am always stunned when I read about writers who write no matter what. Well, things in my life matter and if I don't get the book done/sold so be it. Friends and family come first.
However, I would happily give up the Day Job in order to write. Just sayin' :)
Hey Stephanie,
I agree with your sentiment - don't ignore your health/family/friends in the quest to be a writer. It's just not worth it.
I've learned this lesson the hard way too, and I'm just not doing it anymore.
Interesting Arthur and KC write on the treadmill, I can't imagine how they pull that off!
Great post!
I agree with both sides of the fence on an issue like this. I think a person needs to be willing to reshuffle priorities rather than be consumed by obligations to everyone else and have a dream of writing or publishing a work be That Thing I Always Talked About. On the other hand, I think it's stupid to let something consume a person to the point where you neglect the things that matter not only because they deserve your time (friends, family, etc) but because it's crucial for one's mental health if you hope to actually make a long-term run at this.
Of course, if someone just wants to write, enjoy it, and see what happens, that's a different issue.
What I won't give up? Time with my husband, who is a great source of recharging for me, my greatest boost of energy, my Ideal Reader, co-brain in plotting horrible things to do to my characters, and all around awesome. However I also have to fight against that at times, as he may sometimes get a stretch of three or so days off, and I believe that much of a lull is bad for writing momentum. I either need to get some work in after he's in bed in those situations, or I set aside time regardless.
And personally, given the origin of the discussion, I think there's also a category of people who make brash, dramatic claims to show how Super Serious they are, and how they deserve to be published more than others. As though that, and not a well-written, compelling story, will make them stand out in an agent or editor's eye.
Or maybe I'm just a misanthropist ;)
My family and friends come first. Always. And forever. That doesn't mean I don't escape to my office to avoid them sometimes :)
I agree with setting priorities and reducing time sucks. Rearranging things to get more writing time isn't a bad thing.
Can not imagine writing while on the treadmill!
Great post, Stephanie.
Thanks for leaving the comments. After I left this post, I had this weird feeling like perhaps "giving up" is one of the job descriptions I was too naive to realize - suffer for your art and all that. That said, family and friends would still trump 'one day'.
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